Denise Baier, LMHC
Oct 05, 2018
Protecting children, Adult Business, Parenting and Divorce
I just need to be loved….
We’re born into the world having been created by two people. OK, that’s ridiculously obvious and horribly cliché, but what it really means to a child is not often remembered. The two of you are the most important people in the world to your child. Whether your children are just months old and don’t know you well yet, or are teenagers who act like you are the stupidest person ever- the bonds which tie you together remain.
And now you’re splitting up. Though it is likely the best thing for everyone, children often do not feel that way. Their life is turned upside down. Children fear losing the very love they need and crave. Their family seems to be disappearing when it was the connection to it that gave them a sense of security.
To protect your children, you must do everything you can to separate your adult relationship problems from them. Children should not hear you argue over who will take care of them, who knows best what they need, what you do in your spare time, who you are seeing, or what you do wrong in the eyes of the other parent. These are called Adult Business. Adult business confuses children, makes them feel afraid, or makes them think one of their parents is bad.
A child’s personality is initially formed through the attitudes and behaviors of both parents. Children need to see their parents in a positive light, as people who are good, loving, and strong. Far too quickly for us as parents, our children will see our weaknesses. Let them figure it out on the own.
Your children watch and listen. The best time to talk or interact with your child’s other parent is when children are not around or when they are being cared for by a third party. You must not risk arguments or disagreements when your children can see or hear you.
Don’t leave your phone laying around for them to see text messages.
Don’t talk or text on the phone when you are driving with them in the car.
Don’t use the speaker phone or Bluetooth when they are nearby.
Don’t stand outside the car while they are strapped in waiting for you.
Protecting your children from adult business is one very important way for you to give them a peaceful childhood. Your children deserve a childhood in which they can master the multitude of life lessons they need, while being loved.