How to Help Children of Divorce Feel More Secure

Denise Baier, LMHC Mar 19, 2019 Routine, Protecting children, Insecurity, Parenting Schedules, Flexibility, Parenting Class For Divorce Hits: 4937

When children of separation and divorce ask: "Who is picking me up?", they are telling the parent two things- they are feeling insecure and need reassurance, and they are struggling to remember the details of the parenting schedule.

You can help your children adjust with simple actions. Increase their sense of control by creating a calendar that shows which days they are at each of their homes. Allow the children to select a symbol to represent each house. Place the calendar where everyone can see it. Now when there is a question, go to the calendar with the children and say, "Let’s look.”

Another help is routine. Kids feel more secure facing changes of separation if you stick to a routine on exchange days. Doing the same thing each time before they need to leave, either for school or their other house gives children predictability and can help ease the transition from one home to the other. You can create a routine by writing down all the things you need to do in advance and sticking to it. Your other parent will have their own routines. Remember to be flexible and avoid conflict.